That itchy spot in your brain

'Cause baby, something in you is dying...

oh my dog.

I am in some serious dog shit. I don't mean it the way it sounds. I'm talking about a real dog, and some real shit.

Here is the story. Please read it through. This is serious, but I need for you to understand the connections that we all have to this...


I am in the middle of an actual dog emergency, and so, in a despearate attempt to find out about desperate measures, I Google 'The Dog Whisperer.' THE Dog Whisperer. Cesar Milan. Renown Expert. The guy who we've all seen and were secretly amazed at, effortlessley (and more poignantly, Legitimately), turns vicious pitbulls into whipped sappy love pooches. This guy has done some impressive stunts, and despite it being so easy to poke fun of his charactature, we've all seen it.
So, I know this dog, and this is a desperate situation. This dog is going to be put down if it can't get its shit together. It is so fear aggressive from abuse that it seems impossible to break the sad ingrain that early mistreatment imprints.

so.. long story short and less 'hopeless' and more 'hopeful' (hopefully)

Cesar's website is complete consumer candy. Fuck. Its all animal planet pimped out, online store and quizzes and interactive advice. An ad reads "Dear Vet, my dog vomits on occassion, can you help? " Fuckk. I need this to be serious. Its not taking me serious. I read for the upcoming episode:

yellow Lab Harley makes a habit of jumping on and attempting to mount his owner and responds to any correction with play behavior. Can Cesar calm this revved-up Harley?

Then Cesar helps socialize an anxious Australian Shepherd and a Weimaraner who is a black hole for food.



responds to correctiong with play behavior?? An obese Weimaraner? These are our dog problem!? Where did the bad dogs go, the hopeless cases, the Michael Vic survivors who's story is like Rocky in dog version and actually inspires you? You all know what I'm talking about. "These dogs have rough upbringings man, and they like, get a second chance ya know? "
We can all relate to that one way or another. These stories are amazing, and thus the Dog Whisper title, and not Biggest Loser: Hungry Labrador edition. This stuff was once legit.

Did Cesar Milan sell out?
He has done a lot, he wrote a book and you know that shit was on Opera and is in at least 1 out of every 3 surbuban houses nationwide, additionally he is like Jada Pinkett Smith's doggy playdate friend ( her former/current trainer, but shit they are actually like tight ya know?), and he's even been made fun of on South Park. This guy is a legend.

So now...
when things are actuall serious. I am hoping one day this dog can be around and healed up enough to have a case of the chubbies and the playful humps. If only those were her problems! This is life or death, and that shit is just kinda keep me up right now at this late hour. This hit me.
We all know someone who has a bomb ass shelter helter mixed breed second chancer that everyone loves. Those second chancers. The seconds from death row stories. The little Oliver Twist orphan punk who just got lucky or even rode out on that sly and unimaginably overwining sly wink or sparkle in the eye. The melt our hearts, right? The little tom sawyers and huckleberry finns of the canine world. The ragedy ann puppet dogs that just have that fur disguised wink of fierce intelligence. The coy of a true fox, and the wisdom of a wolf. Even in ridiculous costumes of fluffy fur or fluffball hairdos. We see those big watery eyes and there is something more than just that effective "youve got steak and i know you really wann give me steak beg. " They are masters of both.

Not to get off topic. But there is a reason Cesar Milan's website has gone Soccer Mom. We love our dogs with popular demand. They are definitely in the human hierarchy of society, and they are not even our species. They often substitute as people's children.

So...since we love them so much, we need to remind ourselves to continue to help with behavor issues in unwanted shelter dogs that Cesar started to bring attention to. So many are fixable. He wowed and amazed us all with that. He made it look simple. It is, it turns out. We be people and they be dogs and we respect and affectionate appropriately. We live harmoniously.

Help me save this dog. I cannot think of her as a lost cause. She is a sweetheart fearful rattlesnake pup and she has not know any better. It has been her survival to toughen up. We can help her be a dog, and we be humans, and live together harmoniously. I want her to live. I want her to get old and fat and get caught with her paws in the cookie jar. I want her to carry on some of old sly fox of a pooch, Roxy, who has never lost that fiery intelligence that allows her to pick locks and bake apple pie. That dog is amazingly smart, and she has never lost the complete overshwelming enthusium for all humans. She smiles at you and wags her tail to the beat of your drunkenly cooing words. Roxy, everybody loves Roxy and she loves you back, yet she'll pour you one too many and kick your ass in poker. Which by I mean steals the pizza off the counter, takes herself for a walk, and comes back just after you start to worry, and looking for quick love pats from everyone as if she didn't know she wasn't a human.

Roxy was a pathetic 2 time return to the shelter. Not once, but twice. And this day, she is bombass. She rules.

I know this dog has that somewhere in her. It is not her fault some enormous douche had to sink so low as to mistreat a dog. It is not her fault she was a victim of inhumane devolution troglodyte. She deserves a second chance.



(woww, I don't even have lots of dog interests on my page, but when I went to facecbook to fetch the picture you are about to see, I saw this Ad on the right side (you know the ones that sometimes cheat by looking at your interests and so always seem a tad creepily on target?)

'Virtually foster real dogs who need your help now. Share them with friends and help them find happy homes.

But I stopped taking grades personally a long time ago. especially when i disengaged myself from my self-worth taken from one dimension of my life. With that said, there is also the factor of 'trying' which, as any arrogant bastard would disclaim, is also a factor here. But I suppose 'trying' and 'interest level' are definitely correlated and so that's where I bring in my point. Keep in mind, I started my college career as a biology major. I am now an Ecology/Behavior/Evolution major, which is a division of Biology with less of a focus on mitochondria and more of a focus on wildlife populations and migrations and things that are just simply more interesting. I am also too late in my major to switch to what I have apparently suddenly realized to be my passion- ART/Creative design. I am three quarters out from graduating, no plans whatsoever with my biology degree, and yet just on the side I have been pursuing, and very recently, getting paid for, design work.

Without further adieu, and leaving judgment and shame at the door here..



The only A+ I have earned in my college degree

Wildlife Ecol Conserv Univ Calif Davis

4.00

A+

(I like animals + First quarter ever of college. Lol. )




The only F I have ever earned in my college degree (I definitely earned it)

CHEM

140A

Organic Chemistry I

4.00

F

(8Am class + organic chemistry + nightowl/non-morning person = fail)





INTERESTING SCIENCE

EART	15	Natural Disasters U Of Cal-San Diego Ex	4.00	A

(earthquakes, volcanoes, torrential temperamental forces of nature? I can relate. Yes please)

ENVR

30

Environmental Issues U Of Cal-San Diego Ex

4.00

A

(I am a hippie goddammit)

GEOL

10

The Earth Univ Calif Davis

4.00

B-

(rocks rock, pop quizzes not as much when you have spontaneous class appearance)




NOT AS INTERESTING SCIENCE (SCIENCE THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE)

CHEM	2A	Gen Chem Univ Calif Davis	5.00	B	WI06	LD
that B is an anomaly in this pattern, ignore that
CHEM	2B	Gen Chem Univ Calif Davis	5.00	C+

CHEM 6C Gen Chem III U Of Cal-San Diego Ex 4.00 C

BIOL	1	The Cell U Of Cal-San Diego Ex	4.00	C

BILD	2	Multicellular Life	4.00	C-

BICD

100

Genetics

4.00

C-

History/ART, things that are NOT my MAJOR? Sure.

HILD

11

East Asia and the West

4.00

B

HISC

111

The Atomic Bomb&the Atomi

4.00

B+

MMW

1

Prehistory&Birth/Civiliza

4.00

A-

VIS

21A

Int/ArtAmericas/Africa/Oc

4.00

A-

HIEU

147A

Women in the Middle Ages

4.00

B-

MMW

2

The Great Classical Tradi

6.00

B+

HIEU

146

Fascism,Communism 1919-19

4.00

B+

MMW

6

Twentieth Century and Bey

4.00

A-

HMMMM
book smarts < self-smarts

WHAT TOOK ME SO LONG?

lately i get these bouts of unrelenting sequences of events that feel invariably linked in some way. I will be somewhere- anywhere really- driving around from place to place drowning in the music , in my own head walking to class,- and i just feel like the world is crashing down around me in these calculated rhthyms of divine madness. I dont mean that in some dramatic way- its just like its all so obvious- this reality, its scheme, the way everything is connected and unfolds around us and it feels like something we, when immersed in it, are so blind to its bigger picture. And then there I am and something suddenly clicks to another frequency and it all descends upon me in these hilarious and yet mildly profound happenings wrapping you up in its thick presence.

Nothing ever smells of roses that rides out of mud


And nagging little thoughts change into things you can't turn off


Everything you think you know baby...
Is wrong


dare yourself to do something you're afraid to do.
I'm going to work on it.
It's embarrassing to realize the petty things that we allow ourselves to fear.


bring it.

Today is Valentine's day. My heart is fine but it feels like somebody dumped an old fish tank's water into my lungs. Or something like that.

I waited two hours in the doctor's office to make sure I don't have pneumonia and everyone was totally losing their shit. Some lady kept audibly sighing and whispering frustrated "oh my god"s and calling someone proclaiming her blood sugar was dropping and to bring FOOD and two robust sweat-suit clad dudes, one of whom was actually sick and one of whom was just the sick dude's buddy there to accompany him, were talking extremely loudly about everything. Some lady came in and demanded to be rushed to the front of the 2 hour line because her son was coughing and then accused the receptionist of turning them away when she suggested they go to the hospital if she felt it was serious. Some other lady kept erroneously demanding she was being cut in front of by another lady who was there before her.
I'm just sitting there minding my business reading a book called "Tripping" about people's various stories on various psychedelic drugs. Even the story about some guy in the Grand Canyon who almost fell to his death clinging to a crumbling nub on a sheer cliff face with nowhere to go to whilst tripping on Peyote sounded like a better place to be. Jesus.


Yesterday I was at the grocery store and I had picked up a purty bouquet of yellow roses. While I was standing in the check-out line some smarmy lady who got in line behind me goes, "Excuuuse me, but what are yellow roses supposed to mean again?"
... oh my god let me buy my juice and flowers in peace
a one second pause elapsed and the lady in front of me in line jumps in and says, " Oh I think it means.... friendship."

I wanted to interject and say, "Well SHIT, I thought yellow meant divorce"

but they then went on to discuss the various meanings of other colors- pink- white with terrible wit and cackles. But let's face it. RED means LOVE and everything else means NOT LOVE. That's the point I think they were trying to beat to death. I should have grabbed the purple which means SHUT THE FUCK UP.


Love it.

How To be Outstanding


duly noted

and as for the title up there, well check it out.
I don't make this shit up you know.

Every time I take a midterm, or final or turn in a paper or a homework assigment at UCSD (which is more than I'm sure anyone would like), I record my student Id number. This is my arbitrarily assigned academic bar code. It is consists of one letter followed by 8 numbers. To to school I am not Lisa K, I am 02u203481. I, robot.

Actually, that isn't my exact ID code. Mine is much more...astounding.. in some way.
For, right in the center of my ID number, in perfect order, is the mark of the beast. Satan.
It, Effectively, is this:
**666****
I am about to take a midterm that is 30% of my grade and that I am more than likely underprepared for, and thus feeling wary about, and that is my omen. Glaring in number 2 pencil on scantron paper. The first thing I write down. Setting the tone.
I am trying to retain last minute formulas and biological terms or german conjugation and I just get this:
hhaaha fucker, have fun with this! Good luck Fighting the doom with a tiny wooden stick, hahahah!

Not to mention, for the people who have to actually read through and grade my work, effectively Judging it (isn't that what a grade is, a judgment? In this case, a D or any other 'bad grade' is nothing more than heresy, and should be publicly negotiable) this is what they see first.
They haven't even begun the grading and they just get, blaring back at them in #2 pencil lead (or TIMES NEW ROMAN, shudder)

Watch out, this ones a bullshitter. Prone to trying to talk out their ass or prove some sort of loophole. Also prone to having vaguely wandering pencil marks drifting in the void between two distinct answers in order to force grader/judger to fight through the muddled arrangement and consequently feeling the need to be violently defensive before the process even begins.

or just
Get ready to fire up that red pen, you're gonna need it.

you know somebody has noticed.


I am a UCSD fallen angel.
A story of a student ID number prophecy.

Seriously now. Coincidence?