That itchy spot in your brain

I'm going to let the cat out of the bag- my last name is Kaats. I'm telling you this only because this post is about my 'internet research' (i.e. Google bombing) and the various nuggets of information my 'research' has turned up.
Before I begin- I must warn that this is the clumsiest name heritage search ever conducted, true to, whaddyaknow my heritage (clusmy because it is and because, well the Dutch simply are- to an extreme- but more on that later).


In my family, what we do know is that the word, and thus heritage, is Dutch (I am a Dutch/German mutt, which is the two worst combinations as far as grace goes). We pronounce it 'Kates' though the correct Dutch pronunciation would be something more like 'Kats' with a guttural roll on the 'a,' and hence, perhaps, the 'aa.' Nevertheless, when people pronounce it 'kats' we often politely correct them (you know, I have throes of people pronouncing my name every day /sarcasm). Anyway, the last name Katz is a traditionally Jewish name, and as far as I've taken note- the double vowel, or at least the double aa- screams Dutch. the only pretense missing is the 'Van Der,' and as it turns out, our name apparently once was Van Der Kaats, before the creative/shortening touch of 'ol Ellis Island.

There are a few more tidbits of the family name history known among my relatives- and as it happens any Kaats I've ever met has been someone I'm related to, google searches inclusive, but interesting things still turn up.

The first thing that turns up under a search of 'kaats'
is some acronym for some gymnastics team. I'm guessing they don't know much about Dutch clumsiness, since as far as I can tell gymnastics is a fairly graceful and put together sport- one that requires finely tuned coordination. The ironies don't stop here.

A wikipedia article, Kaatsheuvel, turns up. From the article-

Kaatsheuvel is a combination of the words Kaats and Heuvel. The word Heuvel is easy to explain, as it is Dutch for hill. Kaats however, is not as easy to explain. There are several theories as to how the name Kaatsheuvel came about. One theory is that it was named after St. Catharina, a very popular saint at the time. Another theory is that the early inhabitants of Kaatsheuvel would, on Sundays, play a game called kaatsspel. They would play this game on a hill.

So, even Wikipedia is not sure of the origin of 'Kaats' though it recognizes its overtly Dutch-iness.
But, perhaps it has something to do with games. And hills, but that one was covered. Okay, so hilltop games- because hilltops are much safer than cliff tops or stalactite fields, and thus much more accident friendly (imagine a drunken soccer playing slipping and, much to his drunken amusement, rolling down a hill over and over until coming to a soft landing. Dizziness never hurt anyone.)

Another I found is this-

Royal Dutch Kaats Association

Though from what I can tell is has nothing to do with royalty and everything to do with handball. Check this out-

"Each year at the 5th Wednesday after the 30th of June the great handball match (the 'Franeker Kaatspartij') is held in Franeker (The Netherlands). In the match
compete the 48 best male handball players; 16 teams consisting of 3 players. Of the more than 600 matches that are organized under the auspices of the Royal Dutch Handball Association (KNKB), "the PC", as this match is called, is the most appealing one. Winning the PC is for a handball player the highest achievement. From the winning team the best player is proclaimed as 'The King of the PC' (Kening fan 'e PC); after this the president of the PC will put on him the old king's ball (since 1883).

Again, hilarious. I never expected 'royal' and 'handball' to go in the same sentence, but it's hard not to imagine some cheesetastic Ben Stiller movie about underdogs excelling (okay, so I'm thinking Dodgeball, but Handball is just as rad and much safer and more attainable- its totally easier to attempt to hit the side of a brick wall than even the fattest of persons, but I digress.)

So far, it seems that 'Kaats' is inextricably linked with games of some sort, though wikipedia admits stumpage.

A quick babelfish translation of the dutch word Kaats into english turns up as- 'Throw Back'
which probably means nothing, but it does support the pattern of generally unrefined gaming.

I like this translation, because 'throw back' can have different meanings, flexible enough to mean sassy, and literal enough to mean 'prone to throwing handball at your face,' either of which I'd gladly accept as heritage material. Perhaps, its an ironic defeat of my own conclusions (the inescapable clumsiness)- to this stereotype we 'throw back,' allowing our royal handball skills to truly speak for themselves and offer redemption for many a century of non-coordinated-athletic-ability reputation.

Shit, why isn't handball in the Olympics?



*Oh and as for explanation of the Dutch clumsiness? Now that I've convinced myself that my heritage is to fight against this stereotype as refined handball athletes would (lawl), I suppose I still owe an explanation. Aside from anything that most anyone could gather by simply observing the Dutch in action (think Amsterdam), I have few personal experiences aside from my own daily adventures. Despite what I witnessed in ONE DAY in the Netherlands a couple summers ago as part of a speed-pseudo eruo trip (one man dropping an entire tray full of glass beverages- splattering beer and glass shards over a huge audience, plus one dude attempting to hug a friend at an outdoor coffee table and succeeding in leaning too far in his chair and knocking the whole table over - including his half-dozen friends- flat onto the concrete, giggling like a drunken buffoon) , the correlation is just undeniable. I heard of one particularly historic building in England that was 'accidentally' burned down by Dutch maids who accidentally caught some hand towels on fire. Needless to say, all the records and history were incinerated.